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July 2009
07/30/2009
07/26/2009
HAS MOVIE WIFE ABANDONED HIM, TOO? KRISTJANSSON ATTENDS HP6 PREMIERE ALONE
WINNIPEG -This question is on the minds of many after unconfirmed reports surfaced that the coolest guy this writer will ever know attended the recent premiere of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince without his long-time movie companion Catharine Johannson. These reports gained credibility when Kristjansson confidante Marc Laberge went public with allegations that Kristjansson was now forcing his pretentious movie opinions on him, a burden formerly carried only by Ms. Johannson.
Kristjansson in happier times?
"Listen, Rob's my buddy 'n' all, but I really don't give a damn if he thinks [Half-Blood Prince Director Gary] Yates is 'the most mediocre in a long line of mediocre Harry Potter directors,'" Laberge said, "nor do I have any interest in getting into a debate on whether or not the books are 'filmic' enough for adaptation. Who would?" When asked if Kristjansson was going to expect his admission refunded from the Brit filmmaker, Laberge replied, "How should I know? When [Kristjansson] starts going on about 'cinema' I glaze over. The question you should be asking is where the hell is Catharine? I hear she actually likes talking about this crap!"
Was Johannson already planning to leave when this was taken?
Kristjansson publicist Daniel Cormier vociferously denied both these reports and Laberge's allegations, stating that "...nothing could be further from the truth! Why, just last night [Kristjansson and Johannson] saw the latest Star Trek at the Portage Place Imax, so I have no idea what [Laberge] is talking about." To which Laberge replied, "Whatever. All I know is that if Johannson really is dumping him, he better find another one who is willing to put up with that crap fast, because I am sure as [expletive deleted] not!"
The Rob Kristjansson News Service
07/19/2009
HEALTH BRIEF: HEAD-COLD OVER, KRISTJANSSON CELEBRATES WITH MARATHON OF 30 ROCK, SOME HOUSEWORK
WINNIPEG - Waking up after a solid eight hours of sleep for the first time in over a week this Saturday, recent mouth-breather Rob Kristjansson celebrated the return of the almost forgotten ability to breathe through his own nostrils with an all day 30 ROCK marathon and a desultory amount of housework.
Citing the fact that he "couldn't very well watch" the third season internet downloads of the hit NBC sitcom while scrubbing out the oft-neglected bathroom toilet, Kristjansson commented "that Tina Fey is goddam brilliant" as he half-ass washed eight days of filthy dishes while watching the one where the Tracy Jordan character - played by American thespian Tracy Morgan - has figured out that people with money can get away with whatever they want and proceeds to curse his way throughout the entire episode, including a very "raunchy" Martha Stewart show. "Comedy freaking gold!" Kristjansson was heard to exclaim as he left most of the dish-ware "to [needlessly] soak" while he returned to his famously over-priced folding chair and spent the rest of the day enjoying the zany antics of Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) Jack Doneghy (Alec Baldwin) in glamorous New York City, not to mention the episode where they both go to Liz Lemon's high school reunion in White Haven, Pennsylvania.
As of press time, it is unclear whether Kristjansson will address any of the much needed household chores this weekend, especially his bathroom, which is in desperate need of attention, or continue to loaf around watching other iTunes downloads while pretending to write his feature-length screenplay, Alex of East Kildonan.
The Rob Kristjansson Radio Network
07/10/2009
BREAKING NEWS: CONCERT WIFE DUMPS KRISTJANSSON ON FACEBOOK?
WINNIPEG - Jennifer D., free concert fan and so-called "concert wife" to concert connection Rob Kristjansson, posted last night on Facebook that she wanted a divorce.
Citing as grounds that the coolest guy she'll ever know has now been to two major MTS Centre concerts - Berkeley-based punk trio Green Day and Asian pop sensation The Wonder Girls - without bringing her, Ms. D. claimed on his Facebook wall that she gave Kristjansson the "best years of my [free concert going] life," and when Kristjansson seem less than concerned in his reply comment, D. went further, stating she wanted a divorce and promising that he would "Laugh it up until [he sees] the support payments!"
Asian Pop sensation The Wonder Girls perform for sell-out crowd, a crowd which included Rob but not Jennifer.
In a phone interview early this morning, Kristjansson said he thought D. was "over-reacting," but that she'd "come around" in the end, once she understood the pressures he was under, "family-wise." Kristjansson explained that "I had to take my kid brother [Ryan] last night, and as for Asian pop sensation The Wonder Girls, well I never knew she was a fan, and I wouldn't have even gone, but my niece wanted to see the Jones Brothers, or maybe they were the Brothers Jim. Whatever, the kids seemed to be into them, and I got to see The Wonder Girls!" When asked about reports that he had first invited to the Green Day gig a disturbingly attractive political type from 505 Broadway, then an aspiring concert mistress going by the unlikely name of Jackie R., Kristjansson replied, "No comment."
The Rob Kristjansson News Service
