The Rob Kristjansson Radio Network

THIS WEEK IN THE WORLD OF ME - June 28, 2009

Kristjansson “Stiffed” by Transformers Sequel, Date

WINNIPEG – Habitual moviegoer and sporadic dater Rob Kristjansson was equally disappointed by both Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Michael Bay's latest contribution to Dreamworks' Transformers franchise) and the young woman who had promised to join him for a drink after work yesterday.

Speaking with reporters outside the Silver City multiplex at Polo Park, Kristjansson described the film as a “two and a half hour waste of time” while reiterating his hollow threat to write a strongly worded e-mail demanding his money back from the director. When asked to review his drink date's vague last minute excuse about having to “work,” Kristjansson said he thought it was “pretty goddamn lame, too” and that he was “pretty much stiffed on both counts.”

But according to long-time Kristjansson watcher Catharine Johannson, Kristjansson was not entirely unsurprised by this turn of events. Johannson alleged that during a Tuesday night phone call he offered “to pay [Johannson] ten dollars if the woman actually went through with the date. He saved that dough, only to blow it on Bay's piece of crap. And really, what did he expect there? I read that guy could fuck up Thundercats.”

The Rob Kristjansson News Service

RKRN Launch Delay - Apparently, “There's This Girl”

WINNIPEG – In a hastily called press conference, RKRN spokesperson Rob Kristjansson announced that the network's upcoming premieres for the news/lifestyle/sports/entertainment/business video-magazine World of Rob, along with reali-sit comedy That Rob, have been delayed for “a couple of days. Tops a week or two!” When pressed by reporters for reasons for the delay, all Kristjansson would say was “there's this girl” as he rushed out of the conference with what appeared to be a partially sold book of raffle tickets benefiting the Gas Station Theatre.

In what has been characterized by several sources as a "desperate," "pathetic," and "pointless" attempt to impress, Kristjansson has spent the better part of his recent waking hours trying to sell these tickets for said girl. “I bought one myself,” said one well-placed Kristjansson watcher. “It's like having a front row seat for when this all blows up in [Kristjansson's] face!”

Editor's Note: At press time RKNS was unable to ascertain if the object of Kristjansson's affections knows who he is.

The Rob Kristjansson News Service

KRISTJANSSON LAUNCHES NETWORK WITH NEWS, SITCOM

WINNIPEG - In a move calculated to address the dearth of Kristjansson themed entertainment and news, Rob Kristjansson announced today he will launch the Rob Kristjansson Radio Network (rkrn.ca) as early as "this weekend, or maybe Monday or Tuesday."

The new network will premiere with two program offerings; WORLD OF ROB: NEWS & VIEWS, described by Kristjansson as a two-to-three minute version of 60 Minutes, "except it's all about me," and ROB, which will view his minor doings and goings on through a sitcom lens. When asked about critics views that Kristjansson's life was a sitcom already, and wouldn't it pretty much be a documentary, Kristjansson replied, "No comment."

Kristjansson also announced plans to to fill out the programming schedule with soap opera, drama, and police procedural versions of his life.

Rob Kristjansson News Service